I really find it strange the times I live in.  How technology has changed communication, how people interact with the natural world, and how people walk around with little bags of dog shit as they stroll along.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have no issues with people carry their dog’s waste.  I think it’s great.  I mean I hate nothing more than stepping in dog shit in my yard, especially since I myself don’t have a dog. Searching for a stick to scrape the fuming, warm fecal matter from the bottom of my tattered, deep treaded shoe is not something I look forward to.  Oh, and the smell.  I just love the smell of fresh dog shit, but then again who doesn’t.

So I find it so weird how people are happy to lug dog poop around.  Some tie it to the leash handle, some by the dogs face.  Others wear it around their waist, almost like a fashion accessory.  One of my favorites is when a person waves at a passing car with the bag of feces in their hand.  I mean, c’mon, really?  Did I just get the “hey how are you, look at what Rufus just did”.  I don’t mind being friendly, but I have no desire to share in the ritual that is disposing of your dog’s waste.

Oh, here is a good one.  A man on a jog with his dog is running with a sweet sack of brown happiness, and he wipes his brow with the hand that is holding his best friends best droppings. The plastic baggy just, ever so slightly, brushes on his cheek.  Fucking gross.

I also get a kick out of the young kid who is twirling the shit sack around like a yoyo.  Wait until that cheapo baggie pops and you get a shit yoyo all over yourself.  Good luck with that one kid.

I’ve always wanted to stop a proud dog owner, and just as it seems I’m going to compliment them on their “pure breed, exquisite example of (insert breed here)”, I comment on that huge pile of dog shit they have in their hand.  I would love to say “Gosh that is an amazing bag of shit you have there, you must be so proud.”

Now, as pointless as this post is, I must say that I don’t hate animals or dogs, and I especially don’t hate people who pick up after their pets.  I send my gratitude to those who keep my yard free and clear of their dog’s waste.  I just want to laugh at you as you shamelessly and proudly disclose the inner workings of your best friend’s intestinal tract.

Thank you for not shitting in my yard.